“A good mentor hopes you will move on. A great mentor knows you will.” These are the wise words the Ted Lasso character Higgins spoke to Keeley when she was struggling to tell her boss and best friend that she had a phenomenal opportunity to run her own business. Keeley and her mentor, Rebecca, had a relationship of mutual respect where they urged each other to grow beyond their comfort zones.
Sadly, the mentor relationship that the show’s namesake Ted had with “Nate the Great,” as he called him, did not pan out so well. Ted recognized Nate’s strategic genius well before others. He promoted him from locker room assistant to assistant coach and made him a valuable member of the leadership team.
But while the rest of the coaching staff was content to be part of the group, Nate craved the spotlight. He got his first taste of glory when Ted suddenly left the field during a high profile game. Nate made a bold move that led to the team tying the match. Seeing his name in the press scratched an itch he didn’t know he had.
When series viewers first meet Nate, he is shy, insecure, and constantly bullied. As the series unfolds, we learn the root cause is an indifferent, disdainful father. Nothing Nate does gets his attention or win his approval. But when Nate receives pubic recognition for the first time, it is a pivotal moment that simultaneously boosts his confidence and causes his father wound to fester.
Soon, Nate begins to resent Ted’s role as head coach. He despises the weaknesses he sees in his leader and finds an opportunity to undermine him. Though the show doesn’t call out the root cause explicitly, the viewer can trace a direct line from Nate’s father wound to his growing contempt for Ted. As Men’s Health magazine recounts, Nate is both mad at Ted and mad at himself.
King David’s son Absalom nursed a similar father wound. The king took no action against his brother Amnon when he violated his sister. Later, when Absalom took matters into his own hands and avenged his sister by killing Amnon, David still took no action. After the murder, Absalom took refuge in a distant relative’s house but still longed to reconnect with his father.
Absalom worked through the commander of David’s army, Joab, who was also his second cousin, to get permission to come back to Jerusalem. But father and son never reconnected. Over time, Absalom’s wound festered and he began to rally others to his cause, claiming he would do a better job of giving people justice than the current king.
Like Nate, Absalom looked for an opportune time to undermine the leader. Also like Nate, he failed to address the issue directly and communicate his frustration. Instead, he exacted revenge.
How often do we project anger against the people who have hurt us in the past onto the people currently in our lives?
How often do we allow pride and resentment to seep into the cracks in our foundation because we lack confidence in ourselves?
How often do we miss opportunities for connection because we can’t bring ourselves to address issues directly?
The next time we sense anger and resentment growing in us, let’s reflect on the root cause and get our own hearts right. Then we will be able to see clearly enough to see what is really going on and have hard conversations if we need to. Who knows what kind of connection and growth — for both people involved — could come of it.