Steve Carter came to a megachurch, outside of Chicago, for the role of a lifetime. He would be a successor to a wildly successful founding pastor, who led the church to exponential growth over several decades. His model of seeker-sensitive ministry spawned a movement that spread around the world.
What Carter didn’t know is that a compound scandal was about to explode: escalating allegations of sexual harassment and abuse, followed by a botched church investigation that threatened the credibility of the entire leadership team. It was a story no one wanted to be true.
While Carter did not oversee the investigation, nor did he have authority over the pastor, in the difficult moments that ensued, his actions created the perception of guilt by association. As he tells interviewer Carey Nieuwhof, he appeared on stage with the pastor and the elders when they downplayed the issue, and made an awkward joke that appeared dismissive. He did not lean into discomfort by speaking directly with the women that made accusations. As a result, he lost credibility with the congregation. That, compounded by a disagreement with the leadership team on how to move forward, led to his resignation.
What followed was a long period of soul searching and mourning. As he retreated to the wilderness of Arizona, he realized that while he had the energy and strength of will to build the church, he needed to pause and deepen his character.
Carter refrained from engaging on social media or replying to requests for comment out of concern that he would be defending himself or trying to make himself look like a hero. The heroes, he said, were the brave women that came forward and made their voices heard in spite of opposition. Now, he has a depth of insight and quiet strength from of his time of reflection and struggle.
The story of Tamar, David’s daughter, shares many parallels with those of the women Carter once avoided. Tamar was entrapped and abused by her brother Amnon while his attendants looked the other way, just as people around the accused pastor must have done. Just like the church board did initially, David neglected to give Tamar justice. This eventually led her brother Absalom to take matters into his own hands. The depth of betrayal Tamar must have felt is immense, just as it must have been for the women Carter now calls heroes.
As was the case with Carter, we can easily be blinded by denial that the unthinkable could be true. We avoid leaning into uncomfortable conversations. And we turn away from pain rather than confronting it head on.
What can we take away?
Perhaps you have experienced abuse like Tamar did. Whether the abuse was physical, emotional, sexual, or spiritual, know that God sees. He included her story in the Bible for people like you. Your experience matters and should not be dismissed.
Perhaps, like Absalom, you have witnessed injustice and been hesitant to speak up. Meanwhile, you are burning up inside. I encourage you to work with a counselor to process your feelings and determine a course of action.
Perhaps, like Carter, you realize that you have hurt others by minimizing their pain. Like David, you may have suppressed their stories and denied them justice. By leaning in to the discomfort and listening without judgment, you can become an instrument of peace.