For young Christians in the late ‘90s, Joshua Harris was the quintessential pre-Instagram influencer. He gained evangelical celebrity status as author of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, which argued that Christians had no business casually dating and discarding people. He instead advocated for a courtship model under the supervision of parents.

Shortly after his book was published, counter-arguments came up in other books, such as Boundaries in Dating by Henry Cloud. Harris’ mentor reportedly encouraged him to brush off the criticism and stick to his convictions, rather than re-evaluating his approach. Adam Grant, author of Think Again, would be disappointed, but not surprised.

Over the next few years, Harris rose to lead pastor in a church network that came under severe scrutiny for it’s handling of accusations of abuse. He met with attorneys to learn the findings of their investigation into systemic issues and promised to fire anyone on his staff that was complicit.

He was shocked to learn, as King David heard from Nathan the Prophet years before: You are that man. Harris failed to report accusations of abuse to authorities among other issues. In the turmoil that followed, he resigned his position and began a process of questioning his positions and, eventually, his faith.

With the book on dating, Harris fell into what Tara Leigh Jones of The Bible Recap calls “building a fence around the law.” This is what the Pharisees did when they added rules to God’s laws to be extra-sure they wouldn’t fall short. In other words: legalism.

When King David was confronted with his sin, he repented, suffered consequences, yet still retained his relationship with God. Sadly, Harris’ faith began to gradually unwind. He left the pastorate; apologized to the people he had unintentionally hurt with the ideas in his book; divorced his wife; and announced he no longer identified as a Christian. You can hear an insightful interview with him as a bonus episode in Christianity Today’s series on The Rise and Fall of Mars Hill.

What can we take away?

  • Delivering a truth that people can’t see, especially when their self-concept is one of righteousness, is especially difficult. It is easier for them to judge someone else accused of the behavior, than to recognize and face it in themselves.
  • When we do speak truth, it needs to be in love and lead them to a place of grace and forgiveness, so that their faith is not shattered in the process
  • The regular practice of self-examination and repentance can make us softer ground to receive the seed of truth that would lead to growth so that others are more likely to deliver truth — and we are more likely to hear it — before the consequences of our errors grow exponentially.